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The 61st: why so emo?! [Oct. 29th, 2009|08:51 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |aggravatedaggravated]

weeks ago, I bought a new webcam.
Just a cheap one, but serves the purpose still.
the logitech one that my dad bought for me,
has decided to die on me already.
as usual, got nagged by daddy for not taking care of it.
but I did, you know? 
:( 







so it's been a whole load of webcaming with friends at home.
usual people includes my dear vanessa bitch and eugene.
and photos taking as well with my webcam.
its good with a webcam, brings us closer to each other.
HAHAHA.

VERY RANDOM PHOTOS.
ON VERY RANDOM DAYS.





































I need a haircut, my fringe is so thick
okay, those photos are superb random.
and I'm at risk for posting some of them up!
someone will kill me if she uses the photos up here.
but I assume nobody much check out this space,
so I'm kinda safe too? 
(:

a lot running through my mind lately.
really a whole lot of jumbled up feelings.
that I don't have any clue about.
:'[

I hope they'll get out of their cold war soon.
I don't want them to be so quiet.
my house is like so quiet,
why did all the talks go to? 

it feels weird to me to be home.

And I've been feeling more sensitive than usual lately.
I feel like I'm getting more unwanted attention recently.
And its not a good thing in fact, I don't need this unwanted attention.
its not a very good thing to start with to.
I hope people just leave me alone to lead my life.
they don't have to comment anything,
fucking insulting comments are not needed.
be sensitive to people's feelings, you fuck tards.
put yourself in the shoes of others.
fuck my life.


and whats next,
I wish people cared more.
I wish ....
but, it seems not the case.
whatever it is.



. . .

and time is flying by,
its going to be the fifth week back at school.
tests are coming soon, fyp mid term assessment too.
in 2 weeks' time, we need to speed up our progress.
lots to get done with fyp, rubrics, report, individual powerpoint slides.
seriously, fuck year three.
endure, last lap to go, I know.
(: 

and whats next to update you people about? 
stress is building up, have been snacking a lot.
time in school is never solid meals,
all I eat is junks, and lots of junks everyday.
:( 

I wish things goes fine.
everyday is so shit ass for me now.
what more to be living for? 
why so emo?! 
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The 60th: I'm not okay. [Oct. 27th, 2009|03:19 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |disappointeddisappointed]

Life has been fuck shit for Diona.
I'm not happy, I'm not okay, I'm not liking it.
Today's power point was the messiest, rushiest and lousier work ever.
Not on the team basis, on my own basis.

Everything is so much of a whirlwind.
Everyday, go school, usual routine in class,
I feel the tension, I feel the stress, I feel the change.
I feel everything, trust me, I'm not feelingless, I feel it all.
And I'm affected by it too, trust me.

Classes has been shit ass,
Fridays have been made the worst day of my week.
I believe the stress's building up on Wednesday, my FYP days.
Its just not here yet, but it will come, I know.

Sitting in class, so much going through my teeny weeny mind.
I want to cry already, just holding back, everything shall wait.

Breaks in class has been unpredictable too.
No solid meals, just junks, junks and more junks.
First break, junks. Second break, junks too.
No time to sit down in the canteen and have a nice meal.
Without having to rush for power points, to think about points.
This is only Poly and I'm so stressed up.
How to handle other challenges?! :( 

I GOT A HEADACHE NOW.
FUCK IT. BYE.


I'm sorry. :( 

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The 59th: Stop this, will you? :( [Oct. 22nd, 2009|09:06 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |crankycranky]

Why do we have to make their issue our issue now? 
I hate it to see Mom & Dad arguing, each having their own stands.
I hear both sides of the story, but I can't and I don't make any comments.
Mom tend to ask me "So what do you think about it?"
Then go on telling me about it, telling me about my Dad.

I don't have a stand in this, I don't want to interfere in it.
I don't like to make any comments in adult's issue.
The more discussions, the more mouths involve, the more complicated it gets.
The heart gets unhappier, starts to think more, I don't want neither of my parents to do so.

But the thing is, to start with, this issue didn't originated from my family.
Now, it made my parents unhappy with each other, each staying strong on their stands.
I hate it absolutely seeing Mom & Dad arguing. Why did it have to become our problem?!

Mom just asked me "Tell me what you think about this, let me see if you've grown up."
I made no stand, no comments, shrugs my shoulders and walked away.

Sigh.

"how nice if everything was simple, where we just lead our own separate lives.
no obligations, no responsibilties, no need to be accountable to anyone."

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The 58th: friends are always my pillar of strength. [Oct. 22nd, 2009|01:18 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |coldcold]



 











21st October 2009.
@ Changi Airport with my ah dar!
SUPPOSEDLY TO DO SOT WRITE UP.
but ended up take photos and didn't complete the assignment.
(:


Okay, presentation time now.
Time to pay attention.
Six Sigma & Lean Manufacturing module.
Good luck.
Goodbye.

I'm freezing in class.
Goodness me.
Freezer class,
but its better than being hot.

"my dream is still clear in my head."

"It is the fire in our hearts and the determination in our minds that make the difference.
No aspirations are too high, no dreams are too lofty and no goals are out of reach
if you are highly motivated and always give your best and persevere.
As we go through life, we are faced with choices. It is crucial that we always live life to the fullest.
Be the master of your own destiny, do not leave things to circumstances."

-- June Tan, Supply Chain Management Faci.

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The 57th: "whats the right moves?" [Oct. 20th, 2009|09:46 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |coldcold]


"Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly - Stephen R. Covey. Do you agree with this?"


My awesome RJ question from my favorite facilitator for this semester.
Kinda like this kind of philosophy questions, but it just depends on whether I've things to relate to.

In my RJ response, I shared with her another quote.
Here it goes.

"Self-trust is the first secret of success."

I agree hands down with them. I hope I did okay for the RJ response.
I'm not revealing what I wrote though, its a secret.

(: 



Break my little heart.

Pardon me, starting my nonsensical postings again.
Somehow or another, I can't figure out my thoughts. I don't know who is the best person to tell those unchained thoughts to too.
So, here I go, this is when you'll find me taking time out from my busy school schedule to blog,
before the unhappiness takes a toll over me and I explode literally.

You can skip this part.
I'm telling you, you can just close this window.
I'm afraid it will bore you, because its just unchained thoughts.

I'm just gonna spill everything out.
In no sequence, in no real format, just say what I want to say.

ranting.
in.
process.


"Let down your guard. Show me your colors. Don't hide it anymore." -- Justin Timberlake -- "not your enemy."

I'm confused, I don't know what my heart thinks.
I'm dead lost, don't know which path to take next, which path leads me to the right place.
What if I end out in the wrong place? What's gonna happen to me? 

I'm starting to feel the fatigue in me.
I want to break free from this world that I'm in now.
I need to let go of the current lifestyle I'm in.

I feel like just not talking to anyone.
Just sitting in that corner, with no one to interfere in my life.
Drawing myself away from the crowd, from the group, just living by my own.
Go where I want to, do what I want to, not thinking about anything.
Just empty my mind, nothing in my mind, clear everything for now.
Periodic clearing of all the junks in my head. Fresh new brain, fresh new mind.

Not a time to think about this.
Pretty dumb, useless.

---

Call me a fool, it makes no difference.
My mind's make up, I'm leaving today.
I've to go, I need to know, there must be more to life,
than this.

Call me a fool, I've to know, let me go.
& search inside myself, why does my mind always tells me different.
To what my heart feels deep inside, right now my mind's a puzzle.
& I got feelings I cannot hide, I have so many questions no answers.
I'm taking the hardest ways, I hope you understand,
why I've decided not to stay.

Take a look at myself, through strangers' eyes.
Nothing ever changes, till you see them wrong from right.
I interpret my thoughts differently now, for the first time I see.
The pathway left for me.


Now I finally know what's missing, darkness has turned to light.
Still life's like a puzzle, but one day I'll get it right.
And I'm not ashamed to say, I'm so scared, but I'll be okay.

...

I feel so indifferent, like I lost everyone dear to me.
I feel more lonely than ever. more lost than ever.
who will still be there amidst their problems,
to be there for me? to just be there.
to just make me laugh amidst my stress,
to make me smile with their nonsense.
no one in particular does that job for me anymore.
:( 


my dearest vanessa, we call each other bitch in class.
my darling baby niece clariss's so adorable. (:

I STILL HAVE A DUMB SORE THROAT, A DRY COUGH.
THE WORST PART OF THE WEEK IS HERE.

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The 56th: School is draining me away. : [Oct. 15th, 2009|10:12 am]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |busybusy]

Damn right, I'm sorry I neglected my blog for quite some time. But I've been busy with school & thinking about FYP. Back home late after school, very tired to blog or stay online for long. My mental strength is going down down down. So I'll be back for a update some time this week end I guess, to stay updated on my life. Got some Baby's photos to show too, sure to perk up your day! HEHE. Look forward! 

I'm in class for my Lean Manufacturing and Six Sigma lesson. Week 2 of the school term, been late once for my freely chosen module, that is the killer 830 lesson. Other times still can make it early, I hope I can stay that way. I don't want to let school eat up my 0.5 off my daily grade. But I have been getting later everyday, keep dragging time to wake up. I need to be back to my 808am bus again! I DON'T CARE.

Motivate.
Confidence.
Determine.
Endure.

The 4 keys in my life now.

Work hard, study hard, stay that way. (:

Okay, back to lesson.
Update soon. Love all.
Goodbye. (: 

PS: You can catch me on Twitter if I don't update often. Link is above.

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The 55th: In classss. (: [Oct. 6th, 2009|02:57 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |cheerfulcheerful]

Damn it, I'm so bored listening to Supply Chain Management powerpoint slides.
Lets see, so today was the first problem of Supply Chain Management, new faci, got module chair this time round.

Though there's a lot to do, and that she tries to push us further throughout the day.
But in overall, I think she's not too bad as a faci I think, cause she have this "I appreciate your efforts" look.
Very motivating faci I think, as in the way she thank you for your efforts in coming up with the slides.
Encourages, asks questions that test our understanding, but don't know why, she ask questions we won't get irritated.
I think its because of the way she approaches, and the way she speaks and relates to us. Nice. c: 

But I don't know, its only the first day of this lesson.
My classmates are not too bad though, maybe cause I'm close to quite a couple of them.
They made it all better for me to be in class, just need to motivate myself. (: 

Takes some time to understand everyone's style.
So yeah, lets hope the rest of the days will be better.
Everyday will be a good day, at least I hope. (:

This morning was raining when I woke up, superb don't feel like dragging myself up from bed to get prepared.
But I know cannot, so I dragged myself up, looked at the sky outside, damn it. Wish it was a no school day.
Never mind, 3 more days to go, then its Week 1 down. Look forward. >: 

For some reason, whenever I lie on my bed waiting to fall asleep.
It will start to howl outside, wind blowing strongly, then as I get into my dreamland, I guess it starts to rain.
Maybe its to make my nights feel better, breezy breezy good for sleeping! <:

Tomorrow's FYP day, god damn it. My free day is dedicated to FYP again.
I doubt it will be any better than last semester. But I certainly hope we can cope with it. :< 

"& I just wanna wake up thinking it will all be a good day after all." 

Okay, 6th presentation now! BYE. <:
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The 54th: Remember my name. <: [Oct. 5th, 2009|10:56 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |bitchybitchy]

I've reported back to school today. Was early for lessons. <:
Pretty good start, hope it stays like this, I can't afford to get penalized for my punctuality this semester.
At least its just one more semester to endure through. 15 weeks of lessons torture, 1 week of UT3, 16 fucking weeks of FYP torture. By torture, I really mean torture. :<

But I don't know why I can never handle stress well. Loser much.
Why others don't seems to feel stressed out at all, but on the other hand, why I feel like this? 
Was having a chat with Nassa, she says she don't feel very stressed out at all.
Dear bitch, I envy you. I envy how you see things, why can't I be like that? Why can't I take it easy? :< 

Back to reality, 5 weeks holidays ended.
Back to school for a good 16 weeks. No more slacking, lazing, feeling like a useless lady at home.
Time to get my butt to work, I know it best myself that I need to perform. Fucking yeah.

I just want everything to end as soon as possible. Then let me get on with my dream.
Let me get what I want, let me fulfill my dream overseas. Its really my wish too. I hope its not too far fetched now.
I hope my parents are still with me, standing by my decision. I really hope so. I really hope I'm staying strong with it too.

Endure. Find a way to de-stress, let everything out at the end of every day.
Take it easy, go as your heart tells you to. When life knocks you down, just get back up.
I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I'll be my own cheerleader, cheer myself on. (:

Girl, you can definitely get through it. Just take a deep breathe, release all the unhappiness.
Give a smile at the beginning of everyday, don't let life knock you down.

Life isn't happy always. Days are never smiling everyday. But you can smile to make everyday better.
Take every challenge as a spice, to spice up your life, take a step out to your dreams. Believe in yourself.
If I don't believe in myself, who's gonna believe in me? Fucking no. I'm gonna keep going, keeep running.

If you think you can, you can. If you think you failed, you failed yourself most.
When one door closes from you, another door opens up for you. Take a chance.
Walk through that door, take it as a brand new opportunity. Step out. Fulfill your utmost dreams.


Week 1 Day 1 > Down. ♥
> Gotta get my butt to get my RJ done.
Good night Earthlings. <: 

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The 53rd: I don't want to bid good bye to these days. :( [Oct. 4th, 2009|04:29 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |coldcold]



Mid autumn festival, was spent with my 14 years of friendship best.
Afternoon met up with SOT team to do Post China Trip assignment.
Toured almost the whole of Changi Airport just to find a suitable place.
In the end, Salih drove us to Budget Terminal, settled @ Mac.
Spent a few hours there, getting things done.
(:

Then, left the Airport @ about 8pm.
Bused home, then dropped by Bedok to get stuffs.
Since she knocked off @ 9pm.
Headed home, ate dinner, rest for a while.

Then, its time to head out @ 1030pm again.
Met up with Best @ Bedok Interchange.
But in the end changed the meeting place to halfway between us,
walked over to her place, went up for her to release her pee.

Then, went downstairs to play candles.
That place was where we used to play years back.
Been a long time since I last stopped there and loitered around.
Good old memories.
 Thank you babe for the bubble tea too! 
:D



She brought along the matchsticks.
I brought along the kitchen fire lighter.
That was what we called Ancient VS Modern.
LOL.
 


Mom got me to bring this along,
easier to get fire.
(: 
 




If you don't know her,
bet you won't recognize it as HM,
he name initials.
 


Me hard at work okay.
Getting my masterpiece done.
And got snapshot.
 




If you can see it, you can.
If not, here you go.
Its "D ♥"
 
Damn, my pretty candles are almost gone now.
And the flames are swaying in all directions.
:( 
 


Superb miniature lanterns.
Just for the fun of it.
(: 
 
We didn't manage to get a proper shot together.
And furthermore, 3 kids came over to look at us play.
They were not very adorable & lovable boys,
but those that I didn't like.
Very playful kind yeah, so we didn't really bothered about them.
And continue with our stuffs.
(:
 


Time to light the sparklers.
I swear it was the first time I played with them.
Because I didn't dared to touched them before.
Cause I'm afraid of the sparks.
But after assurance from her, I decided to just go along.
 
And tadah tadah! 
Was starting out yeah.
I know I look superb afraid of the sparklers.
 
And then, I started getting addicted to it.
Woohooo, spin spin spin it round & round.
Trying to get the letters and shapes we wanted to do.
But didn't managed to capture them on camera.
But not too bad either, spotted quite a few stuffs.
(: 
 
Damn, that kid in her came out! 
Look she appears so happy.
HAHAHA.
 
I captured a heart on her camera for her! 
 


Spot mine, I see a musical note lookalike.
Or I see it as a D! 
:D
 
And my many many hearts attempts.
They never really seem to be completed.
:(
 

Still at it.
 









 

Left last few.
Lets attempt self timer shots together now.
And I always takes the longest to light them up! 

























Me & my Diona's masterpiece.  ♥



One of my dumb self timer attempt,
turned out to be this,
& the flash all landed on my bubble tea,
my handphone and my bear & Elmo.
LOL.



Ended the night @ 12 plus.
She walked me to the bus stop @ 85 market.
Caught the last bus back home.
YAY! FUN NIGHT.

Now, in a couple of hours,
my holidays are ending.
Its time to head back to school.
:(

I hope the last semester would be a good one.
In addition, I hope I behave good too.
Don't be late, don't skip school.
Be a good girl, do well in class.
Endure through FYP together.
Just get through the last semester well.
Last chance, last opportunity for me to get things done.

Glad that my CE points are cleared! 
Focus on studies please.
Good night, hell days starts tomorrow morning.
Have to be in class @ 945am.
No more late nights now.
No more late night munching too.

Good night.
:( 
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The 52nd: Simple day but loved. [Oct. 1st, 2009|09:48 pm]
[蒂:现在的心情。 |calmcalm]

Oh yeah baby! 
Last semester's class & time table is OUT! 
Everyday same class @ E26K.
Wednesday is for FYP.
Friday is god damn 830am module,
for the Freely Chosen Module.
I chose Marketing, guess its a Year 2 module.
That's why its gonna be a Group C Module.



See what I meant! 
Look into the circle,
freaking 830am! 
Usually 10am I already having problems being on time.
What more to say of 830am now?! 
Determination please.
:( 


But never mind, not happy about that never mind.
You know what makes me looking forward for modules? 
Cause of who's with me in E26K everyday! 
I've my Vanessa bitch,
Sokky my lover.
JJ my FYP team mate.
Everyday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.
(: 

Tinghui joins us in E26K on Thursday for Six Sigma module.
For my FCM, I'm with Sokky in E54D on Friday.
& on Wednesday, I see Sokky & JJ for FYP.
I'm supposed to be happy,
at least I've people I know in my classes.
That's much better right, love it yo.
Right now, only waiting for LEO to be done,
then can check the class roster to see who else is in.
(:

Okay, so today I woke up early @ 9 plus.
To accompany my mommy to the market.
For her grocery shopping & for breakfast,
since I don't wanna be up that late too.
So wake up early, be a human being.


Ate so much with Mom around please.
So full a breakfast.
Somemore got Kuehs & BBT back home.
Then Mommy bought EMICAKES Durian mooncakes & Crepe for me.
Yummmm.
 




Daddy brought this few days back.
Waiting to eat it on Saturday.
(: 



At home nothing to do in the afternoons,
helped Mommy out with vegetables.
Watered Daddy's precious plants.
Then, talked a lot with Mommy.
Simple day but awesome day.
(: 





Awesome day with yummy dinner.
Mommy cooked mini crabs for us.
& my favorite dishes,
fish & 2 different vegetables.
Healthy but I love it.
(: 





School reopens in ...
3 days.

 Need to meet up with China trip team to do post trip slides on Saturday.
But I'm so broke to go out too.
Damn.





Good night.
I wished holidays were longer.
I don't want to bid good bye to late nights,
& waking up late.
So gonna miss everything again.
:(

I want stay over soon too!
Before school reopens, & nothing more.
Serena, hintssss.
My Mommy miss you eh!
But I bet you want to eat my mom's cooking more right!
HAHAHA.
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